Dominating behaviour in twins

[Christine]

One dominates, the other is passive. From role-playing to toys to eating, even bathtime, my one son MUST be in front, winning, taking, leading. He will physically hold his twin brother back (who is the more physically agile one), and even tell him what to say when they are play acting. My more passive son usually accepts his role. He is smart, and chooses the path of least resistance.
I usually step in to try and change all this, but I don't know if I should.... Do you leave to them finding out on their own about their roles, and where does dominating become near bullying? I have talked and talked to my more aggresive son about more appropriate behaviour, but to no avail. Any others out there with advice? Thoughts?

[kellie jury]

hi, i have just found your site as i am trying to understand my boys behaviour. they are 18mnths old and little horrors. i have them in daycare for 3 days and every time i pick them up they have bullied a different child. at home it is the same. they are very nasty to each other, biting hitting, pushing. i never knew that toddlers could behave like this especially twins. help or advise would be great and i have a dominant one as well, but the other is starting to fight back.

[Christine]

Hey Kellie

At least it is good to know there are others out there who have similar experiences. Biting is SO sommon in twin toddlers. They do outgrow it, but need to be reminded how much it hurts. Some mothers will bite them back so they know how much it hurts, but I never could bring myself to do that! The only thing that has worked a bit for us is charts and rewards. For every day - or half day or even hour!! that they DON'T do xyz, they get stickers - which lead to prizes etc etc. So you aren't punishing bad behaviour - you are rewarding correct behavior. Problem is - it takes a lot of persistence and cooperation from other people too (like your daycare provider). A lot of energy - but seems worth it. We did manage to eliminate kicking through that method. I think I need to re-institute it for all the potty talk we are getting! UGH!